Scraps

The First Act of a Comedy

CHARACTERS

Popgun
Charles
Postilion
Chorus of ploughboys
and
Strephon

Maria
Pistolletta
Hostess
Cook
and
Chloe

SCENE--AN INN

ENTER Hostess, Charles, Maria, and Cook.

Hostess to Maria) If the gentry in the Lion should want beds, shew them number 9.

Maria) Yes Mistress.-- EXIT Maria

Hostess to Cook) If their Honours in the Moon ask for the bill of fare, give it them.

Cook) I wull, I wull. EXIT Cook.

Hostess to Charles) If their Ladyships in the Sun ring their Bell--answer it.

Charles) Yes Madam. EXEUNT Severally.

SCENE CHANGES TO THE MOON, and discovers Popgun and Pistoletta.

Pistoletta) Pray papa how far is it to London?

Popgun) My Girl, my Darling, my favourite of all my Children, who art the picture of thy poor Mother who died two months ago, with whom I am going to Town to marry to Strephon, and to whom I mean to bequeath my whole Estate, it wants seven Miles.

SCENE CHANGES TO THE SUN--

ENTER Chloe and a chorus of ploughboys.

Chloe) Where am I? At Hounslow.--Where go I? To London--. What to do? To be married--. Unto whom? Unto Strephon. Who is he? A Youth. Then I will sing a song.

SONG

I go to Town
And when I come down,
I shall be married to Streephon
And that to me will be fun.

Chorus) Be fun, be fun, be fun,
And that to me will be fun.

ENTER Cook--

Cook) Here is the bill of fare.

Chloe reads) 2 Ducks, a leg of beef, a stinking partridge, and a tart.--I will have the leg of beef and the partridge. EXIT Cook.

And now I will sing another song.

SONG--

I am going to have my dinner,
After which I shan't be thinner,
I wish I had here Strephon
For he would carve the partridge if it should
be a tough one.

Chorus)

Tough one, tough one, tough one
For he would carve the partridge if it
Should be a tough one.
EXIT Chloe and Chorus.--

SCENE CHANGES TO THE INSIDE OF THE LION.

Enter Strephon and Postilion.

Streph:) You drove me from Staines to this place, from whence I mean to go to Town to marry Chloe. How much is your due?

Post:) Eighteen pence.

Streph:) Alas, my freind, I have but a bad guinea with which I mean to support myself in Town. But I will pawn to you an undirected Letter that I received from Chloe.

Post:) Sir, I accept your offer.

END OF THE FIRST ACT.